The Mature Leader

When I was young, I set out to change the world.  When I grew older, I perceived that this was too ambitious so I set out to change my state.  This, too, I realized as I grew older was too ambitious, so I set out to change my town.  When I realized I could not even do this, I tried to change my family.   Now as an old man, I know that I should have started by changing myself.  If I had started with myself, maybe then I would have succeeded in changing my family, the town, or even the state – and who knows, maybe even the world!

The above words are said to have been spoken by an elderly Hasidic Rabbi as he lay on his deathbed.  His words point to something that is incredibly important for leaders of the church today: that we can only get people to change if we change first.  It is a case of removing the log from our own eye before we try to remove the speck out of another person’s eye (Mat 7:1-5).  Perhaps this is best applied as follows:

A church will never mature beyond the level displayed by its leadership.

To some the idea that those of us in church leadership need to advance into maturity may come as a surprise; we have always been taught to have a high level of respect for those “in office”, those who have been called and equipped to help guide us in our faith.  Yet at the same time there will be people reading this blog who also realize that many pastors fail to show, or even actively pursue, a deeper level of maturity than that which they already display.  Personally I can recount several experiences I have had in which a pastor clearly displayed immaturity, from being unable to provide advice on how approach reading the Bible when you don’t have a library full of commentaries, through to throwing childish paddies because people did not want their church shut down.

If we are to build up this generation, and the generations to come, for Christ then we must pursue our own maturity and change as best we can.  Not only in the traditional spiritual disciplines of bible study and prayer, not only in our understanding of theology and servant leadership, but in the vitally important areas of emotional maturity and personal relationships as well.

We must mature as fully as we can in all of these areas.  To fail to mature ourselves in one will have a knock on effect to our congregations, and they will fail to mature in that area as well.   Therefore actively pursuing both your own spiritual and emotional maturity is a great act of love that you can perform for your brothers and sisters in Christ.  So next time you approach your Bible study, solitary devotion time, or spiritual formation reading, approach in knowledge that you are not performing some dull task, but are partaking in a task that will mature you more and mature your congregations.  And if you can change yourself, and you can change your congregation, then maybe, just maybe, you can change the world.

 

Lord God,

Thank you for your grace when we fail to grow ourselves to show your love.  Let your Holy Spirit fall upon us to bring us into greater maturity and guide us in showing your love to the world.  Purify and cleanse us, grant us understanding of your ways and the ways of man, and build us up in your gospel to spread your glory out into the world. Amen

The Abuse of the Forced Burden

“If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” 

–  The Gospel according to Mark 8:31(NRSV)

The idea of taking up our cross is one often spoken about when looking at discipleship, that we should all have a burden to shoulder, that our submission to Christ is shown through putting ourselves aside and working for him.  When this is done properly, as a voluntary action of the individual out of the love of God, in a way that shows God’s love, it is a true action of discipleship.  But in many cases crosses are not always born out of voluntary action, but from being pressed onto us by others.

To choose to take up our cross is discipleship; but to have it laid upon us is abuse.

We have a dreadful habit, both lay and clergy, to force crosses upon one another in a way that screams “Abuse!” rather than “Love.”  The situations and reasons for this are many and vary greatly, but all of them have the potential to drastically harm the gospel message within somebody.

So let us give an example here: a small congregation hires a new pastor to help grow their church and reform their worship service.  He or she come in with plenty of ideas, but the congregation is reluctant to help out.  They were hoping that the pastor would “do their job” without too much change on their part.  Eventually after a couple of years of fruitless labor the pastor leaves the church exhausted and wandering if he or she want to stay in ministry.  In this situation the main abuse is that the congregation was not willing to bear the cross of change themselves, they wanted the pastor to bear the cross all on his or her own.

Another example is of a pastor’s spouse who comes to a new church.  Suddenly one morning she gets a phone call from the heavily tithing church seniors asking why he or she is not at church ready to drive them to their weekly luncheon.  Why?  Because the previous pastors spouse did.  They had automatically assumed the new pastor’s spouse was willing to bear the same cross.  What does the spouse do in the face of such heavy tithers?  He or she ends up bearing a cross they do not want to bear.  An abuse occurs.

It is not only the laypeople that perform this abuse though, and this was hinted at in the first example. Indeed clergy can become the worst offenders at times. Pastors can become very good at casting visions that the congregation does not have.  To then force this vision upon the congregation can be seen as an abuse.  Perhaps worse though is when because of people in the congregation rejecting the vision, it ends up being placed on the shoulders of a small handful of members, and who are they to say “No.” in the face of their lead pastor, their primary spiritual adviser?  In the end they end up taking on too much and burn out, leaving the church exhausted.  The abuse crippled their faith.

Pastors can all so force abuse upon their family.   They spend so long shouldering the burden of being a pastor that they force the cross of an absent spouse or parent upon their family.  The family is abused, and falls away from the church feeling great hurt and resentment towards the church.

The list of examples given here could be endless and cover everything from making people fill formal church positions through to forcing them to advocate for things that they do not want to.  At the end of the day acting out such abuses is contrary to the love that we are supposed to be showing as followers of the Gospel.  It weakens our ministry, prevents true discipleship from occurring and has the potential to lead to both laypeople and clergy abandoning the church, with people hurt in the process.  So consider carefully what you may be asking of people, and when you do have to ask someone to do something, make sure that they are free to say “No” as well as “Yes.” For if you think that they cannot say “No” for some reason, you may be forcing an abuse upon them, and denying the love of the gospel message.

Lord God,

We thank you for the grace and mercy that you show us when we misuse other people, forcing crosses upon them wrongly.  Please help us to show your gospel of love to them in a way that glorifies your great name, that builds people up instead of tearing them down. Forgive all that we have done wrong and send your Holy Spirit to help guide us along the right path.  Amen.

Accountability is an act of love.

Some of the worst abuses of love and trust can be carried out by those of us in power, and they may not even be intentional.  We see in Matthew 18 a system of discipline in which one believer goes to the brother or sister with which they have a problem directly to solve the issue. This is all very well, but there is an assumption lying under the text: that the two parties at odds with one another are on an equal power footing.  As soon as one of the parties holds more power than the other the situation becomes much more complex.

It is likely that the less powerful party (say an administrative assistant) may feel unable to approach the leader (say an assistant pastor).  They fear the consequences of such a confrontation: would they be forced to stand down?  Would they be brushed off?  Perhaps then they will circumvent and go to a third party who is over both of them to help sort out the issue.  This person creates a safe place for the scared party to go; the issue can be sorted out without a direct confrontation that risks humiliating both parties.  The third party creates a safe place for the victim.

But what if this third party is not present?  What if the lay member or a staff member is having a problem with the lead pastor, but there is no one to hold the lead pastor accountable?           

Power without accountability creates an environment of fear, not of love. 

A pastor who does not have to take in oversight, criticism and correction is scary to his or her congregants.   Whilst most reading this will think that they do have a level of accountability, think again.  Most pastors have some oversight board and many would say that they listen to their congregation closely, but imagine if you have a problem with some of them.  Trying to address the problem as equals can be a big mistake, simply by being in a position of power your words carry clout, and so you will always come across more demanding and authoritative than you think, leading to someone being hurt.  Sometimes the pastor will avoid the issue for this very reason, bottling the issues inside themselves until they implode and have to leave the ministry.  The accountability is for the pastor’s sake too.

Another problem can be boards appointed by the pastor themselves.  Out of insecurity the pastor can surround themselves with “Yes” men and women, who hold the pastor in such high regard they would never go against him or her.  For a pastor this is profoundly narcissistic, and does not create true accountability, thus fear can ensue.  Perhaps even worse than this are those pastors who claim only God can hold them accountable: believe me, there is nothing scarier to the lay man or woman than a pastor telling them as such.

            Not having accountability is a recipe for disaster, it is likely to produce situations where people do not feel safe when they are hurt, abused or sidelined, and they have nowhere to turn, especially if the issue is in part with the lead pastor.  This is the atmosphere that destroys churches; it causes congregants to leave, and clergy to implode, leaving a wake of disillusionment and hurt behind them.

So set yourself up with true accountability partners.  Not just a board in the church, but friends outside of your church who will take you to task on things and challenge your decisions. Having other people for your oversight can be one of the greatest acts of love that you perform.  So go out and do it for the sake of the gospel and the glory of Jesus name.

Dear Lord,

Let us step forward faithfully in our leadership of your church,

Let us hold ourselves accountable for the sake of your people, your gospel and your name.

Help us to show love to all who we minister.

In your name,

Amen.